‘How to get what you want and want what you have’, a book written by John Gray has occupied my thoughts this week, even though it has been at least 3 years since I read it. It’s funny how some books stay with you or rather the ideas or the impact they make do. The author writes about a number of love tanks (self-love, relationships etc.) that we need to keep filled, allowing us the feelings of happiness and joy. I think the love tank analogy has stayed with me not only because there is so much truth there, but also it is easy for us to relate to a feeling of being out of balance in our lives at any point.
Whatever we choose to do in life, the truth is we will be giving up another thing. If we choose a high powered career, we may be missing out on a strong connection with friends or family or if we choose to be a stay at home mum, we may miss out on an extremely fulfilling career. The fact we have choices in life is wonderful, so how can we appreciate this freedom and be happy with what we have? We want more than anything to have balance, don’t we? To experience success in the form of fulfilling relationships, health, self-love and a connection to ourselves, as well as a purposeful and satisfying career is the ultimate balancing act.
I believe we can have all of that. But I also believe it takes work, the work to incorporate strong habits into your life, developing a daily practice of self-love and laying the foundations of great health and vitality. I am still in the process of filling each of my tanks and keeping a balance. Some days or weeks are better than others. However, I think of it as progression, knowing that I am so much closer to self-actualised happiness than ever before, I can bounce back from challenges, I can talk or implement strategies to take myself out of the anxiety and worry that would consume my thoughts in the past. Every day I remind myself of my blessings. I am so grateful for the amazing relationships and connection I have with family, friends and the feeling of living purposefully.
“We heal one ‘aha’ at a time” Marianne Williams
We are healing and growing in every moment, as we aim for progress and release the need to be perfect. There really is no perfect, it does not exist and gradually releasing the fear of being right and having to do everything to exacting standards, or to please others will bring freedom. Again, this is a practice, I have felt the need to prove my worth for so long. My daily affirmation and gratitude practice helps me let go, forgive myself and develop a self-love and confidence that is amazing. This has instilled a confidence within, driving me forward towards my goals and dreams.
Dr. Aziz writes in his book ‘The Art of Extraordinary Confidence’ that accepting and embracing our fears, treating those negative voices as friends and assuring the fear that you appreciate the concern develops our confidence tenfold. I agree and have used affirmations as a way of changing my internal conversation. Have you taken notice of what your internal conversation is saying, is there a negative vibe going on?
The power of affirmations
Everything you think and say is affirming something, whether positive or negative. Your mind is so powerful that you can convince yourself of anything. Self-awareness is the journey, start to listen and take notice. What do you say to yourself as your rise each day? What is the internal chatter? Developing a habit of using an affirmation can help you change how you start your day, for example, you could write or say “I love and accept myself”, “I am truly blessed” or “thank you, life loves me”. It can seem strange at first but writing or saying these things consistently does work. Marisa Peer, an author who has successfully helped thousands of people develop self-love and confidence advocates writing on your mirror with lipstick ‘I love you’. I have quotes around my house and ‘Thank you, I love you’ is written on my chalk board in the kitchen where my family and I can see it often.
“Change your thoughts, change your life” is one of my favourite quotes expressed by Wayne Dyer. Becoming aware of your thoughts is merely a habit of focus. Do you say “I love the clothes I wear, I look good” or do you say”I have nothing to wear” – ever heard of ‘self-fulfilling prophecies’… Focus on changing your thoughts a little every day. At first, you won’t notice, and then you start to catch the thought or spoken word, making an effort to stop it, followed by the next step which is to quickly change the negative to a positive affirmation and soon those thoughts flow. Writing down “I am” and positive affirmations has been a game changer for me. Just be aware this is a process, and progress is important, not perfection.
The freedom that self-love brings is like no other, to love and accept oneself is the ultimate goal. Changing our past conditioning and neural pathways is the journey and so strive for love and only love in every moment.
So much love to you, see below 5 tips to bringing vitality and joy to your life. Making time to take action as well as having the foundations of eating well, keeping hydrated and looking after your amazing body are so powerful.
5 practices for true happiness and joy
- Make time at least once a month to spend with friends to connect and laugh
- Take some time every day just for you to mindfully connect, to breathe, to pray or to journal
- Do something to stretch yourself as often as possible – reach out of your comfort zone
- Whatever your work find something to do that fulfills you, whether this be writing, drawing, playing a musical instrument or taking part in a sport
- Make a vision board either on the computer or stick pictures from magazine in a collage of what you want to do, feel and where you want to go
Guided affirmations for you:
love and light,